Don’t F*#k with Chuck!
I haven’t laughed this hard in a while. Somboday has compiled a list of “facts” around Chuck Norris. Read ‘em and weep. Site found via the evil NinjaMonkies!
http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com/
- Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
- Crop circles are Chuck Norris’ way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
- Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
- The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
- Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.
- Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72… and they’re all poisonous.
- If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, “Two seconds ‘til.” After you ask, “Two seconds ‘til what?” he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
- Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
- When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
- The quickest way to a man’s heart is with Chuck Norris’ fist.
Posted by
Jake Covert on 10/26/2006, terribly early in the morning
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Comments
Why are your 10 reasons completely different from the Ninjamonkies’ 10 reasons?
EVIL?!?!? What the hell, dude?
Commentor # 1: I choose different ways to comments in an attempt to show my own unique praise for Mr. Norris.
Commentor # 2: This is the month of October. Halloween is in the month of October. Halloween is a pagan non-believer month. Thus, everything in the month of October is EVIL! When you have seen the true light of the Flying spaghetti monster, we can talk again.
http://www.venganza.org/
NinjaMonkie is a fervent believer in Frisbeetarianism. Do not try for a conversion - it will just befuddle the monkie!
Regarding FSM, front page of Omha World Herald today talks about 3 candidates for State Board of Edu who are “open to discussion” about intelligent design in NE schools. Looks like the disease is spreding northward. Any work on the Canada air tickets? (family plan!)
No TSA screening underneath this foil hat, gentlemen. This here paranoid Michigan militia man is going to Canadia via RV.
I’ll swing by good ‘ol Omaha (just before the stickers hit the textbooks) on my way outta dodge!
Ha, you all can drive to Canada. The FSM is going to fly me there!
Oh you both need to stop watching Walker Texas Ranger alone, late at night, in your whitey tidies with a bowl of jello.